Edit: The following, and more writing including Sasuke's responce, can be found at fanfiction.net under under my account Kagaya Chou, or at this [link]

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Hey Sasuke,

Wish you were here. Well, Shikamaru doesn't. He still thinks you're too troublesome. 'Cause, you know, everyone risked their lives trying to 'save' you an all when we thought you got abducted by Orochimaru's minions. Didn't know he wanted your body at the time; didn't know you wanted him to take it either. Sorry.

Anyway, just thought you should know. Chouji went on a diet soon after you left. Took some of his family pills. Nearly killed him. I guess that's the biggest reason why Shikamaru's miffed at you. But it's all okay now, 'cause they've been best friends for ages, and their dads have been best friend for ages, so Nara-san gave Chouji some good meds. Ino just wants the diet pills; apparently, she's not trying to be anorexic for you!

So, yeah. When you left, Neji had trouble breathing. Nearly lost a lung or some such, 'cause he met this nasty guy. All hands, he was. Neji got so beat up. It's all your fault, you know. If you hadn't left, he'd probably have been fighting you. Then he wouldn't have gotten hurt. Ah, but don't worry, that little affair's got one of those, 'Think I look bad? You should have seen the other guy' resolutions. Btw, your fan club converted to his, and after all the shit he's been through - his family, his teacher, me, you... oh, and the ANBU now - he totally deserves the love.

As for Kiba, same old, same old. He and Akamaru are inseparable, so half the time when we're hangin' out he's talking to his dog. Ah, I'm not gonna make him chose. Besides, he's actually way more open when he forgets I'm there. I found out that Hinata has a crush on me. Did you know Sakura sees you in Shino? But hey, the cool thing is that now, Akamaru's starting to learn how to talk! Isn't that something?

Oh yeah, that reminds me. Happy New Year, Sasuke! Hope you enjoy your new home. Hey, has Kabuto recovered from last time yet? Can you pass on a message? Tell him that as much as he dislikes women, he really shouldn't get physical about it, and if he does, and I hear about it, I will personally come over a whoop his ass again! But don't worry, next time we see you, I'll prepare two rasengans, one with your name on it.


Your pal,
The Future Rokudaime Hokage
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Note: I'm not on crack. I'm just... eh, it's Photoshop! (And this is a satire. I don't particularly dislike anyone in Naruto so if you're a fan of some of the Naruto characters here, ... hope you're not offended?) As for Neji's cursed seal, it's not a swastika (or a Buddhist or Hindu symbol etc.) It's just a graphical symbol that is part of his character design in the manga, which I do not own.

Edit: For the initial sketch, click this [link]
Edit: For the monotone "inked" version, click this [link]